I undertook to travel this time on my vacation. Plus the quest required me to move; Speaking of which I am going through a fancy period of learning through witnessing. I call it my quest! My quest revolves around humanity, why we are and what we are. Why do we come together ? Why do we come at all? It seems to matter to know, one way or the other. So one of the things that I do, is observe people in relation to things, people in relation to other people, people in relation to themselves; all the while observing me as the witness in the scene.
~
"Dad, mom look, look at what the monkey is doing!!!" I later got to know that her name is Shivani. But for now, I see her mother hide a smile and the smile escapes her lips when she hears her spunky little one blurts out to the world her next amazement! "Mom, look they are doing the same thing as humans! They are just like us" Are you still wondering what the little girl is looking at and drawing parallels with humans! It is a pair of copulating monkeys!
I watch men and women, or men in the companies of women with their children, whichever way it can be described. They seem to be roles than people, real people interacting with each other. It leaves me unmoved.
~
The little girl smiles. I haven't seen her smile in all this time we have been in this forest. We are in a coracle ride and I have found a way not to be scared in this rapids. I am talking to the river in the mind and it seems to be working. In this moment when mind rests in the most unusual place - you trust the river, the boatman; and the little girl's smile catches my eye. We are both reassured and I am moved; moved with the river, the smile, the horizon, this moment there..
~
"Haaye ladki allah kaisa hein diwane.." the song is in a General coach, Patna bound train. I am a fellow traveler sharing my little space squeezed in with the pan chewing Bihari's bound for Patna. A fart or two fills the air, no one seems to mind. Seven men and I share one seat. A sleeping form bends his body at an angle to accommodate me! The song singing Bihari guy is a teenager. Somehow I realize that there is a finer line between ogling at a woman and appreciating her company. I feel that there. Yet again in the most unusual place. A coach full of construction workers, yester years' farmers, bound by a life that will see no rest, no change, but continuous moments of toil, and just living on. And this seems to make sense to me. The rolling of the pan, cradling it carefully, rounding it, parting it, calling out to one at the end of the coach, squeezed in between legs, keeping it aside for him. Bronzed bodies, dust, mobile phones singing old Hindi songs; whenever the song goes off, one of the men catches my eye. And I decide to sketch. Not that I am an artist, but just that I carry a book and charcoal these days. They oblige. An older man, checks on one of the young men when one tries to cross a line. He is glared back at. I watch it all. Yet I am not caught in a turmoil, not here, not now. I seem more at ease here than in a sleeper coach where the great Indian middle class travel or an A/C coach. Six hours later, I get up, thank them. And I know, they will miss my company whimsically. Just that they will not think about it almost a week later the way I am doing right now! Just a quick thought: Do we create our experiences?
~
My friend easily finds us a dining place. And chats up with the floor manager, get him to talk us through the menu. I always find the average Tamilian (man, woman and child) to be very friendly and hospitable. They always treat a guest well. As important as taking a shower twice (at the least) is to an average Malayalee. So this man, black with a wonderful broken teeth that makes the smile sing takes us through the menu. And unusually for me, I allow someone I do not know to place the order for me. Much later, the man opens the door for us, letting us out. Saying in Tamil, "Madam, convey my regards to everyone at home. It is God's grace I was able to serve you"! The man is melted butter in that moment. I can't help but smile ear to ear. Wonder at it all. Disbelief! Deep down, I think this is why I love this city. When you share it with someone who brings in a bit of home everywhere one goes. You feel at home. That reminds me, I must constantly thank my friend for moments such as these. This is something that comes ever so naturally to S! To moments of friendship I must say.
~
Lakshmi seated on Narasimha's lap. And I am overwhelmed with the rose flowers in my hand. My eyes brim up and I see a channel flowing down Lakshmi's eye. I feel belonged. Moved, emotional. Like when you get a hug. There is a pooja. I keep looking at Lakshmi in her happy position, sharing channels in the eyes. And the bells, the rounds around the deities, it all seems familiar like your mother's hand, like your old pillow from childhood, it seems familiar, and there is rain outside.
~
Just that some times i feel incredibly sad. Nina places her face on my lap; looks up at me. I tell her, "I know you care. I love you too. I just a little sad. A little.. Can you please go now. Yes, dear I love you. Now please go." Much later, after wondering why I am not able to speak of my love so effortlessly, I get up from my meditation corner and find her waiting for me, just yonder. And I cry a silent tear..
~
I have no conclusions to offer. Just that life is magical when lived here and now. As cliched as it sounds. There is peace in finding it through one's own knowing. That makes a difference. And something tells me it has to be constant effort, to be aware that there is the possibility of life every moment. Right now, it feels worthwhile to be here and now. Even when a huge bubble of sadness tugs at my heart and throat constricts. I know of Nina barely asleep just outside. I am pretty sure, she will sleepily lift up ear head and look at me. There is happiness in knowing that. There is happiness in being open to such a feeling. And life seems immense and benevolent.
~
For now, the quest reached a complete circle. And it tells me, roll on!
~
"Dad, mom look, look at what the monkey is doing!!!" I later got to know that her name is Shivani. But for now, I see her mother hide a smile and the smile escapes her lips when she hears her spunky little one blurts out to the world her next amazement! "Mom, look they are doing the same thing as humans! They are just like us" Are you still wondering what the little girl is looking at and drawing parallels with humans! It is a pair of copulating monkeys!
I watch men and women, or men in the companies of women with their children, whichever way it can be described. They seem to be roles than people, real people interacting with each other. It leaves me unmoved.
~
The little girl smiles. I haven't seen her smile in all this time we have been in this forest. We are in a coracle ride and I have found a way not to be scared in this rapids. I am talking to the river in the mind and it seems to be working. In this moment when mind rests in the most unusual place - you trust the river, the boatman; and the little girl's smile catches my eye. We are both reassured and I am moved; moved with the river, the smile, the horizon, this moment there..
~
"Haaye ladki allah kaisa hein diwane.." the song is in a General coach, Patna bound train. I am a fellow traveler sharing my little space squeezed in with the pan chewing Bihari's bound for Patna. A fart or two fills the air, no one seems to mind. Seven men and I share one seat. A sleeping form bends his body at an angle to accommodate me! The song singing Bihari guy is a teenager. Somehow I realize that there is a finer line between ogling at a woman and appreciating her company. I feel that there. Yet again in the most unusual place. A coach full of construction workers, yester years' farmers, bound by a life that will see no rest, no change, but continuous moments of toil, and just living on. And this seems to make sense to me. The rolling of the pan, cradling it carefully, rounding it, parting it, calling out to one at the end of the coach, squeezed in between legs, keeping it aside for him. Bronzed bodies, dust, mobile phones singing old Hindi songs; whenever the song goes off, one of the men catches my eye. And I decide to sketch. Not that I am an artist, but just that I carry a book and charcoal these days. They oblige. An older man, checks on one of the young men when one tries to cross a line. He is glared back at. I watch it all. Yet I am not caught in a turmoil, not here, not now. I seem more at ease here than in a sleeper coach where the great Indian middle class travel or an A/C coach. Six hours later, I get up, thank them. And I know, they will miss my company whimsically. Just that they will not think about it almost a week later the way I am doing right now! Just a quick thought: Do we create our experiences?
~
My friend easily finds us a dining place. And chats up with the floor manager, get him to talk us through the menu. I always find the average Tamilian (man, woman and child) to be very friendly and hospitable. They always treat a guest well. As important as taking a shower twice (at the least) is to an average Malayalee. So this man, black with a wonderful broken teeth that makes the smile sing takes us through the menu. And unusually for me, I allow someone I do not know to place the order for me. Much later, the man opens the door for us, letting us out. Saying in Tamil, "Madam, convey my regards to everyone at home. It is God's grace I was able to serve you"! The man is melted butter in that moment. I can't help but smile ear to ear. Wonder at it all. Disbelief! Deep down, I think this is why I love this city. When you share it with someone who brings in a bit of home everywhere one goes. You feel at home. That reminds me, I must constantly thank my friend for moments such as these. This is something that comes ever so naturally to S! To moments of friendship I must say.
~
Lakshmi seated on Narasimha's lap. And I am overwhelmed with the rose flowers in my hand. My eyes brim up and I see a channel flowing down Lakshmi's eye. I feel belonged. Moved, emotional. Like when you get a hug. There is a pooja. I keep looking at Lakshmi in her happy position, sharing channels in the eyes. And the bells, the rounds around the deities, it all seems familiar like your mother's hand, like your old pillow from childhood, it seems familiar, and there is rain outside.
~
Just that some times i feel incredibly sad. Nina places her face on my lap; looks up at me. I tell her, "I know you care. I love you too. I just a little sad. A little.. Can you please go now. Yes, dear I love you. Now please go." Much later, after wondering why I am not able to speak of my love so effortlessly, I get up from my meditation corner and find her waiting for me, just yonder. And I cry a silent tear..
~
I have no conclusions to offer. Just that life is magical when lived here and now. As cliched as it sounds. There is peace in finding it through one's own knowing. That makes a difference. And something tells me it has to be constant effort, to be aware that there is the possibility of life every moment. Right now, it feels worthwhile to be here and now. Even when a huge bubble of sadness tugs at my heart and throat constricts. I know of Nina barely asleep just outside. I am pretty sure, she will sleepily lift up ear head and look at me. There is happiness in knowing that. There is happiness in being open to such a feeling. And life seems immense and benevolent.
~
For now, the quest reached a complete circle. And it tells me, roll on!
