Anon

Dear God

I do not like to believe in you, like a believer would
I do not believe in retribution of any kind that you meet out
I do not believe in heaven or hell
I do not believe in the churches, mosques, the temples to be places where they secretly hold you and your grace
I do not believe that I was born dark, lame or blind because you decided so
I do not believe that you allow some to be born poor and wise and some to be rich and brash
I do not believe in any kind of exclusivity not even for you

yet
I believe in the kindness I feel towards everything in the world
I believe it is easy to love than dislike or hate for I feel much lighter in love
I believe it is easy to forgive and forget than to carry it all in memories
I believe I love laughter and then the tears when I see something good, when I am taken by surprise with the goodness the world holds
I believe that my fears are real, as long as they are there, and that they can vanish as soon as I feel cared for, supported
I believe that world is round, the richness of everyone's good deeds comes searching
I believe that the hurtful deeds that I committed will always come back to me and I try to make it up at times with a hug, an apology or a kiss, and never with prolonged silence; I try to work on myself all the time, for I believe it is easier said than done!
I believe that for some people it is easy to be trusting, loving and caring and I will not deny the unacceptable parts of me, for it allows me to be gentle with the world
I believe that it is much easy to  accept the vexations of my spirit than to constantly worry about the worlds'
I believe life can be lived simply taking in all the above said beliefs
I believe it is not easy if it does not naturally flow, and for it to be natural I have to face the rain, the sun, the winds, some times unsheltered, some times sheltered, accept the brokenness the world brings,
I believe letting go is not when I stop caring, but it just means that I care enough to allow freedom to happen in the same way as a river flows, sun shines at my window
I believe life is in about allowing nature to take its course, whether it is ageing, whether it is in clearing away your notions of permanence and change
I believe that no single belief is enough to sustain me through that dark and lonesome night of mine, that I have to constantly empty my methods in handling emptiness and life
I believe that I just have to go through everything that comes my way with head held in one place- right above my shoulders, heart pulsating and mind alert and know that this too shall pass, even it seems neigh difficult in that moment, life has shown me, it indeed passes and never promises the same old journey!

i find you

i found you
sleeping
between the hollows of my two feet
nestled
so softly I found your head nodding
nodding as I sang
in the utter desolation of my spirit
i wonder if it was just that
perhaps a memory of my four legged past
i cried a tear
as my song broke in its whisper
you lifted your ears
opened your eyes
i found myself
i found my song
broken yet incomplete
i sing it again
i find you
sleeping
between the hollows of my two feet
familiar
this seems so familiar
perhaps it is your two legged memory
perhaps it is my four legged memory
perhaps no explanations matter
surely
these lines also don't matter
for you are here
sleeping between the hollows
of my feet
i find you ..sleeping

Strange dreams, a Monday and On Hafiz..

What does Monday mornings do to you in particular?

I was walking naked in my dream, searching for a garment, wondering how I did not notice, how naked I was!

Then here I was, with Monday blues, knowing not whether my heart is still on my sleeve!, or whether I am still naked! I have cried all along the weekend, felt my throat open, in a tear, long held, feeling relieved, after months of constipated silence, yet naked, naked, wondering on the heart on the sleeve, glancing at some mirrors, to find my eyes, sagging, worried, relaxed, reflecting, myriad, I open my inbox, serendipitously I find Diane, Diane sending a Hafiz poem, which I share, here with you! You whoever you are!  

Here  goes Hafiz, filling those deep wells in my heart, where even rain water do not reach..

Hafiz, dear reader.. for you and I. 

–Hafiz
Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.

let it cut more deep

Let it ferment and season you. 

As few human or even divine ingredients can. 

Something missing in my heart tonight                                                                                                           

has made my eyes so soft 

my voice so tender

my need of god absolutely clear

reflection

...so the idea is to do things in moderation..
and yet, the idea of moderation threatens to fail most times
especially in those times, when faced with this huge insecurity
of loosing grip
of loosing ideas
of loosing any notion to live
yet,
for ideas need to fail
when there is no moderation within,
that failure is a gift,
the best thing that could happen to me,
and.. having said that,
it is also true, and it has not been easy to state this truth, that,
life can not be,
you can not alive, can not exist,
with no inner experience of moderation
for the challenge or the truth is to live
to live, this moment, this place with all its failures of every notion
the challenge, is to live without any ideas

for it is important to allow the baggage to be lighter
first realise that the baggage willingly will go heavier
so every effort, at least initially has to be deliberate
deliberately examine
what is it that I leave
what is it that I take
is there a possibility to take ownership
is there a possibility to go lighter
laugh heartily
not reject any part of this drama
at least not when it is very much there
acknowledge the child
acknowledge the immensity of the task
acknowledge the powerlessness to plan it out
acknowledge the effort
acknowledge that it is only up to you
acknowledge that it need matter only to you
acknowledge that it need matter only now
this moment ...
the experience of it
is your salvation
is your window
to eternity