I have been experiencing set backs in connecting with people in the same way I had trained my self to be in the world. When I write this I do not want to say it is either good or bad. M wants me to attend/be a part of a residency she is planning. I haven't told her this, but what I really want to say and tried telling her is , can you tell me, what service can I be of to you or the event, so that I can agree or disagree. She asks me to come and sleep there. Now I am at a place where the dots connect back to posterity in a thousand memories, like the moment of GERD I am having, undigested, unassimilated life experiences, my resistances to either accepting, taking in the lesson, discarding it, or totally discarding it out of my system. Like you get a letter not addressed to you. You don't worry about it, since it is not addressed to you! The good thing about this moment is, I SEE this happening, there is GRACE, Baba's GRACE. My tiny truth is yes, I am supported, hence I develop in this moment to accept the grace, be grateful for it, while acknowledging the fretful nature of how dots may or may not connect. Yet another epiphany is that we meet people outside of our selves in families and communities we co-habit and in-habit, through our actions (based on the idea of actions are cognisable) where we are driven by our conditionings of our imperfections and separation. I have noticed that each time one is able to see what is happening and listen ardently to it, the separation of known and knowable vanishes in the physical experience of it. When the attention and seeing continue to happen over and over again, it fosters presence, awareness of presence. By GRACE you shall have more moments of this dissolution and you become aware of this single pointed attention that is your true self. Thus I see that the truth is not bared through language or constructs of language, it is hidden in its grammar, the momentary truths at the very least can be found and can be released if we understand grammar.
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